Should I Stay or Should I Go…and More Thrilling Questions

I’ve had a lot of my mind recently and for me it’s always best to get it out in one form or another and then I will relax more and stop obsessing over ideas and thoughts.
So, here goes.  Just a heads-up, this may be a bit whiny/20-something-trying-to-figure-things-out, so if you’re not feeling it, steer clear.  In case you couldn’t tell by the title.  🙂

Let’s start with a bit of backstory and just general info on the hagwon (after-school academy system) here in Korea.
First, in it’s most basic sense, it’s an after-school “academy” or school that some kids go to after their regular school day is finished.  I work with elementary-aged kids and their main school day finishes around 1/1:30pm.  They’d go home for a snack or whatever and then off to piano/English/tae kwon do/math/singing/swimming/hapkido/Korean (Yes, extra school to learn Korean…)/Chinese/etc etc.
There are so many of these schools on a single block that it might make your head spin once you realize it.
The hagwons are meant to give kids an extra boost to basically get them better prepared for their future.

Anyway, for the past year or so I was convince that grad school was the next step for me.  I wanted to get a Masters in Education (M.Ed.) or a Masters in TESOL/ESL (Teaching English as a Second Language) had also been an option.  It’s still there, but I’m sort of second-guessing myself.  I enjoy teaching, but I think I’m just getting burnt out…or I dunno.
As we’re an after-school academy, we have a summer break (1 week) and a winter break (1 week) and all federal holidays.  I think it just gets to be a bit much.  I need more me-time or even just time to sort of clear my head and make space for new ideas.
It’s also frustrating because with this system, kids can come essentially whenever they want.  For example, in the same class, I can have kids that come every day (M-F at my school) or some just MWF,, or one girl is TWF.
It just gets very frustrating when you’re trying to teach and kids pop in or randomly go on a week holiday with their family.  I mean, it’s great that they’re going on a break and get family time, but when we learn new words on Monday, use them all week and have a test on Friday, and they show up on Thursday after a few days off–it really makes things tough.
In my younger classes we read two story books a week together and do two corresponding workbooks.  The older kids do one reading book and one workbook because they’re more difficult.  So if Johnny misses the first half of the week, he misses the prime day for new vocab (all day Monday), the introduction of the new story (speaking and reading) and then we have to play catch-up so he’s not just sitting there, and then it throws the pace of the class off.  Classes are two hours long.  I usually also don’t have any warning when a kid will be going on a trip/quit, so it makes it tough to do projects or anything too.
I think the other thing is that since we don’t have an official start date and that kids can sign up and drop in whenever, it makes it hard to plan new ideas.  My boss wants me to do “filler” stuff on Tuesday/Thursday so kids who don’t come on MWF don’t miss anything important.  *pause*  So, as my class is more reading based, I decided to teach basic grammar (nouns/verbs/adjectives/plurals, etc), but when you have a grammar day on Tuesday, and have supplemental worksheets that the kids are working on–what happens when MWF kid comes in on Wednesday and they finish the work quickly?
There’s a lot of copying going on as well, which I hate, but when we do 5 pages in the workbook and one kid misses the reading day and the 5 pages, not sure what else I can do besides pile it on for homework, which is heavily frowned upon.  They already get enough homework, and parents don’t generally approve of their kid doing classwork at home.

I dunno, I feel like I’ve taught nouns/verbs/adjectives to my higher level kids about 5 times now.  I keep getting new kids or kids who weren’t here and then we’re trying to do something that applies them and they have no idea.

Looping back to the grad school thing–I really like teaching, it’s just frustrating that I see these things happening and I’m doing my personal best to get over the humps, but I want training.  I’m not a trained teacher and I think going to school would help me see solutions that I’m not seeing right now.  Granted, the hagwon-structure is fairly unique and at most schools you typically get a roster of kids and it doesn’t change until the end of the year.  They move on and you get a new list the next year.
Another thing is that I have some kids that I’ve had for nearly a year and half now and I think that they’re becoming too comfortable.  I think it would benefit them to have another teacher with another style to continue to push them.  I enjoy my classes and I try and make sure my kids are learning different things and I try and keep it interesting, but I don’t think it’s necessarily helpful to have the same teacher for too long.  You can learn different things from different people.  The kids are kept in my class though because they say they like my class and also because it’s a business.  The kids like me, so the parents want them in the class.  If the parents are happy, they pay money and we stay in business.  It’s not hard to see, but it’s just another little thing.

There was something else but I can’t remember what it was at the moment.  I’ll have to circle back when I remember 😀

On a more positive note, I’ve got two things.  First, my cousin is getting married this summer and it just so happens to fall on the tail end of my vacation.  I got the approval for an extra two days of vacation so I can go (!!)–time differences/return flights–and it’s going to be amazing.  I have to miss a lot of stuff related to family and friends’ happenings since I’m abroad, so it’s awesome that I’ll be able to make it for this one.

Second, I’ve posted on Facebook a bit about this, but I’m pretty darn proud of myself with making the gym a habit.  I worked out a lot when I was living in the US, but fell off the wagon/horse when I moved abroad and found it hard to get back at it.  Anyway, I’ve been working out consistently since September and upped it a bit in Jan/Feb.  It’s now so deep into my schedule that I don’t see myself breaking this routine anytime soon.  It’s a great stress reliever and I’m feeling better and healthier for it as well.  It feels great to be back and the gym and I can see that I’m getting stronger too, which I love.

Ah!  The other thing.
My school has a massive English book library (rare for schools in Korea as English books can be expensive) and each book has a corresponding book level (based on the difficulty/amount of words in the book.)  The kids take books home each night, read them and then take a short comprehension test on it the next day.  The results are tracked in the computer and can be pulled up whenever.  Anyway, the parents obviously want to see proof that their kid is moving up in the levels (as do I) and can get upset if their kid’s number isn’t moving.  The thing is that they’re kids.  Not robots.  Some kids learn quickly, some slower than others and sometimes they stagnate.  I’m fairly strict with my student’s book levels (they have a range of three numbers that they can pick from) and they can change when they get a consistent amount of 80-100% on their tests. However, sometimes kids don’t read or they read and they didn’t understand it fully and then they get low scores.  Sometimes they get low scores multiple times in a row so I’d pull their level down a bit and they work back up.  Anyway, just got word that we’re not to put their level down anymore, just push upward.  Which I do 95% of the time, I just don’t want to push up and up and up if the kid doesn’t understand what they’re reading.  In my opinion, it’s ok if they’re at a certain level for a bit as long as they’re generally improving and working hard in class.  No need to rush.  Anyway, I think this one is actually pretty standard in many schools around the world, so there’s likely not much that can be done, just sort of suck it up and make the best of it.

Still thinking on the grad school thing…I just need more money and wisdom.  There are so many places I can go for the Masters–I just want to make sure that I’m doing the right thing as it’s an expensive decision.  I can’t think of anything else I’d rather be than a teacher though, so that might just be what I end up doing.

Oh and the cupcake/cookie thing from the Valentine’s Day post left you hanging, I brought in pink funfetti cupcakes.  No cookies.  🙂

I also have an English/Western manners week-long lesson in the works (Our storybooks/workbooks only last for a three weeks so I usually have an empty week at the end of the month where I’m supposed to create a filler lesson.)  I want to teach basic etiquette and Western-style table manners (including, but not limited to: how to properly hold/cut with a knife and fork–food lesson–yay!)  Just holding off until I finish the packet that I’m making and until I’m a bit less annoyed with kids randomly showing up throughout the week.  I incorporate manners in our daily classroom life (pushing in chairs, helping others, holding doors (struggle), etc. but I wanted to have a full-blown lesson on it.  Plus, I really wanted to do something with table manners.

Happy Tuesday 🙂
Hope you can walk better than I can today.  I did some deadlifts yesterday for the first time–nothing too crazy as I was mainly focusing on arms, but I wanted to give them a go before I left–and my legs are feeling them today.  Shoooooot. 😛


Going Against the Grain

This is just some stuff that’s been on my mind a lot recently, especially with recently signing up for another year here.  (which btw will only take me to 2 1/2 years since I didn’t finish that second contract).

I was born and raised in the midwest in the US and from my experience, that region tends to gear people up toward a life that looks something like this:
born –> K-12 schooling –> university –> marriage/babies/etc–> job (work work work..until…) –> retirement (You are now 65+ years old.  You are now free to roam about the globe.//Assuming you’ve made it to this age with enough money and no ailments preventing you from doing so).
*The job usually comes before the kids (uh..ideally) but it worked out better with the way I wanted to word it to keep it that way.

Granted, to each their own and you can do whatever you want, because it’s your life and not everyone likes the same things.  That’s fine.  However, I do wish we had a “gap year” built into our system, which is VERY common in Australia, Canada and European countries.  In fact, from what I’ve heard, it’s a bit strange if someone DOESN’T take time off.

Anyway, that’s not what I came here to write about.  
Since I have taken my life in an alternate direction (ie: being nearly 27 and not engaged or married, and in fact, still single (not quite by choice on this one)), I’ve been having a few internal battles with myself.
Thankfully, my family is very supportive of whatever crazy venture I find myself wanting to do.  But, I’m sort of fighting with myself about staying abroad/traveling/saving money/etc. vs. going home and “settling down”

The most I’ve really heard from people at home on the subject is the question “When are you coming home?”…which is a bit of a loaded question for me.
1. Currently, Korea IS my home now.  But sometimes I still have trouble accepting this myself and I still need reminding that I need to be living in the moment.  
I’m living here, working here, paying bills here, I have an ID card and a bank account. I have social circles here and I know where good restaurants are.  I live here.
2. I’m…still not 100% on when/if I’m coming “home”/back to America.  America is also my home, but as cheesy as this sounds…I’m a citizen of the world. I was born and raised in the US, and I’m happy to go back…but…I know that I’ve been gone for long enough to know that I’m not going to fit into the life I left.

I know that I want to have a future husband that also likes traveling and has world experience like myself (or more) so that we can go off and explore the world together.   I just think it’s going to be much harder to find that person in the environment that I left.  
I do also want to “settle down” at some point…and that sort of brings me back to my original point.  I’m trying to figure out when and where I should do that.  And I’m not sure if I’m making it more difficult than it needs to be or not…but I really want to be able to save more money and get on my feet.  But…I do want to get married and everything too.
I think part of the problem is that I feel older than I am.  Also, with Facebook showing me that all of my friends seem to be getting married and having children…I feel like I’m falling behind.
I have to remind myself…and often…that life isn’t a race.  It isn’t.  People are free to choose their own paths…even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
I think part of the problem is that I also know that I really want to have children and in the little life map in my head…I seem to be running out of time.  I know I’m only 26 (27 next month!), but…I feel like…ugh.  I’m not feeling very fluent tonight.  
It just seems like the time is going to fly by because I’m still single and I feel like I’ll be at menopause (ie: no babies for you) in no time.  
I know that sounds outrageous to someone who’s reading and maybe it’s just my biological clock ticking…but it’s how I’m feeling.

I feel like, in a way, going the “standard” route is easier.  School then marriage then kids and then…well..there you have it. 
I’m still enjoying my time here and the opportunities that I have been presented with while being here…I just wish my brain would shut up sometimes.

Sorry this is such a jumpy post.  My thoughts are pretty scattered.
It just comes down to me questioning myself for staying abroad…and for how long.  And then reminding myself that even this time IS my life.  I’m not preparing to live my life…I AM living it.  
I just wish I could figure out a way to stop and smell the roses once in awhile instead of worrying about being 40, single and with no children…when I’m only 26.