This is just some stuff that’s been on my mind a lot recently, especially with recently signing up for another year here. (which btw will only take me to 2 1/2 years since I didn’t finish that second contract).
I was born and raised in the midwest in the US and from my experience, that region tends to gear people up toward a life that looks something like this:
born –> K-12 schooling –> university –> marriage/babies/etc–> job (work work work..until…) –> retirement (You are now 65+ years old. You are now free to roam about the globe.//Assuming you’ve made it to this age with enough money and no ailments preventing you from doing so).
*The job usually comes before the kids (uh..ideally) but it worked out better with the way I wanted to word it to keep it that way.
Granted, to each their own and you can do whatever you want, because it’s your life and not everyone likes the same things. That’s fine. However, I do wish we had a “gap year” built into our system, which is VERY common in Australia, Canada and European countries. In fact, from what I’ve heard, it’s a bit strange if someone DOESN’T take time off.
Anyway, that’s not what I came here to write about.
Since I have taken my life in an alternate direction (ie: being nearly 27 and not engaged or married, and in fact, still single (not quite by choice on this one)), I’ve been having a few internal battles with myself.
Thankfully, my family is very supportive of whatever crazy venture I find myself wanting to do. But, I’m sort of fighting with myself about staying abroad/traveling/saving money/etc. vs. going home and “settling down”
The most I’ve really heard from people at home on the subject is the question “When are you coming home?”…which is a bit of a loaded question for me.
1. Currently, Korea IS my home now. But sometimes I still have trouble accepting this myself and I still need reminding that I need to be living in the moment.
I’m living here, working here, paying bills here, I have an ID card and a bank account. I have social circles here and I know where good restaurants are. I live here.
2. I’m…still not 100% on when/if I’m coming “home”/back to America. America is also my home, but as cheesy as this sounds…I’m a citizen of the world. I was born and raised in the US, and I’m happy to go back…but…I know that I’ve been gone for long enough to know that I’m not going to fit into the life I left.
I know that I want to have a future husband that also likes traveling and has world experience like myself (or more) so that we can go off and explore the world together. I just think it’s going to be much harder to find that person in the environment that I left.
I do also want to “settle down” at some point…and that sort of brings me back to my original point. I’m trying to figure out when and where I should do that. And I’m not sure if I’m making it more difficult than it needs to be or not…but I really want to be able to save more money and get on my feet. But…I do want to get married and everything too.
I think part of the problem is that I feel older than I am. Also, with Facebook showing me that all of my friends seem to be getting married and having children…I feel like I’m falling behind.
I have to remind myself…and often…that life isn’t a race. It isn’t. People are free to choose their own paths…even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
I think part of the problem is that I also know that I really want to have children and in the little life map in my head…I seem to be running out of time. I know I’m only 26 (27 next month!), but…I feel like…ugh. I’m not feeling very fluent tonight.
It just seems like the time is going to fly by because I’m still single and I feel like I’ll be at menopause (ie: no babies for you) in no time.
I know that sounds outrageous to someone who’s reading and maybe it’s just my biological clock ticking…but it’s how I’m feeling.
I feel like, in a way, going the “standard” route is easier. School then marriage then kids and then…well..there you have it.
I’m still enjoying my time here and the opportunities that I have been presented with while being here…I just wish my brain would shut up sometimes.
Sorry this is such a jumpy post. My thoughts are pretty scattered.
It just comes down to me questioning myself for staying abroad…and for how long. And then reminding myself that even this time IS my life. I’m not preparing to live my life…I AM living it.
I just wish I could figure out a way to stop and smell the roses once in awhile instead of worrying about being 40, single and with no children…when I’m only 26.